Scarfspiration

Turns out, this is hard.

I’ve been sticking with my new eating plan for about 3 1/2 weeks now, and I have say- I’m hitting a bit of a rough patch.

The biggest problem is that I’m hungry a lot. I was not expecting that. The idea is to eat as much as you need to feel full (no calorie counting, which I love), and I do that! I eat HUGE meals, and I eat an additional smaller meal between breakfast and lunch (how I”m eating 4 eggs plus half an avocado at breakfast and feel hungry after an hour is a mystery to me!). And yet- day after day I find myself rushing home due to the grumbling in my belly so I can start dinner.

I felt an initial burst of pride in my new habits, and I immediately could tell the difference in my mood and physical health. And now I’m feeling a little- now what? Is this worth it?

I have not lost any weight (I don’t weigh myself, but clothes fit exactly the same), which was supposed to be beside the point, but now that it’s decidedly not happening, I’m frustrated. I’m also frustrated at myself for being frustrated about that. I’m trying to gently remind myself that in all likelihood, this is probably where I’m supposed to be and not to worry about it.

But- what do about the hungriness? It SUCKS. Of course I could eat more meals, but who wants to eat 6 times a day? Also, “It Starts with Food”- I feel as if you have betrayed me!

I was at the post office today mailing a package to my mom for mother’s day. The place just oozes with stress and turns normal people into jerks in the blink of an eye, so imagine my surprise when a kindly older gentleman patiently held the front door for me and several others, including a woman with a stroller. Feeling touched by his benevolence, I made my way to the back of the roped off line and then watched him dart from the front door to the front of the line, cutting off everyone he just helped. 

Every New Yorker I know swears that New Yorkers commit ordinary acts of kindess all the time. Maybe they just don’t stick around long enough to witness those same New Yorkers snatch those acts of kindess back. Another good lesson here is that acts of kindess never happen at the Myrtle Avenue post office.

Changes abound

Remember like two posts ago when I insisted I wouldn’t go on some crazy diet or try some new exercise regime in January, because who needs misery on top of misery?

Well, interestingly, once the weather changed, something snapped inside me and I found myself taking on some changes (well, some minor changes and one drastic change) to my habits. It actually partially started as an extreme emotional slump that lasted for weeks. I just couldn’t pull myself out of it. I had tried medication before, and I knew I didn’t want to go back to that (which is not to say I don’t believe in it; I believe firmly that some people truly do need it).

I needed something to be challenged by, I decided. So, I found a piano teacher with a studio within walking distance of my apartment and scoured eBay for an affordable digital piano. I felt better even just deciding that I would do this. After I spoke to my new piano teacher for the first time, it was like a weight had been lifted.

The next thing to change was my eating habits (probably about 90% grilled cheese sandwiches), which I knew in my bones were making things worse for me. I read this book, which prepared me for a drastic diet overhaul. The basic gist is mostly vegetables and no processed foods. For the past two weeks, I’ve been eating a ton of veggies, a ton of eggs, and basically an avocado per day (with some other protein added in there too). Again, I felt better almost immediately. What’s surprising about this way of eating is that missing ice cream isn’t the hardest part- the hardest part by far is the planning and cooking (and cleaning up after). Still, it’s something to master, and I’m mastering it. I decided too that I would not be quite as restrictive as the book suggests. On most social occasions I’ll allow myself to veer off course, and I can tell that’s a smart and good move for me. I’m not trying to replace my unhealthy eating habits with an unhealthy obsession. I told my friend Gena that as someone who ardently supports and tries to role model a healthy body image, I feel almost sheepish about being on a diet. This is much more about health than weight for me, so I hope I gain some confidence in that.

The last and probably most surprising change has been about alcohol. I am usually a glass of wine (or two or three or four glasses) per night type of gal. It would pleasantly take the edge off my day and well, as you saw back in January, I wasn’t willing to give it up. Before I even started changing my diet, I decided to experiment and give it up in advance. I was slightly floored that I hadn’t even been aware the of the effect it was having on me, particularly the next day (I always thought I was fairly immune to hangovers; as it turns out I had a very narrow definition of the word “hangover”). The next day, I didn’t need a nap at 3pm. I wasn’t sluggish to the point where I would seriously consider begging off of work and going home. Now that I’m more aware of this, I tend to only drink if I believe it’ll be worth it and I really want to. Which definitely has happened since I started. 

I thought this would be much, much harder than it ended up being. I assumed I’d be white knuckling it, at least for a the first week as I got used to it. I think maybe what’s giving me a boost is that I’m proud of myself for doing it, and the benefits to my mental and emotional health  were so immediately obvious that I can’t help but feel good about it.

So, will all of this last? At this point I can’t imagine going back, although I’m sure at some point I’ll slide back into some old routines, and that’s okay. I want a good balance between being healthy and enjoying my life and doing what I want.

Resolutions update

1- Haircuts. Just got one! My stylist laughs a little too heartily at my split ends, but at least she doesn’t talk my ear off too much. My dream is to find a hairstylist who basically refuses to speak to me.

2- Skin care. I just bought a tube of this stuff, and also dream of one day owning a Clarisonic. (Progress?)

3-Volunteering. The last time I volunteered was right after Hurricane Sandy, so I have some work to do on this one.

I’ve decided to add something, which is this: outside of my friends, going to brunch, and spending time with Lucas, I really don’t have any hobbies. I mean, I’ve always been a big reader, so I have that, but my problem is this: I don’t know what I actually enjoy doing. If I followed my instincts I would be at home every night with my nose in a book, but… I need something else. What is my thing? Do I even need a thing? I want to be purposeful about not filling my schedule just for the sake of filling it.

1- Get regular haircuts 

2- Adopt a skin care regimen (I don’t really have one, unless you count using Neutrogena facial towelettes once a day)

3-Volunteer more

In 2013, I will be a really good person who also has fewer split ends.

Deprivation January

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how I really tend to torture myself in January. January is basically deprivation month- I’m deprived of warmth and sunlight because it’s winter, cutting back on spending after my Christmas spending spree, and feeling like I need to diet because I just indulged myself over the holidays and my pants are fitting a little too tight for my liking. (It’s no wonder I tend to get especially depressed this time of year.)

Inevitably, all these changes I make become temporary, and I go back to my shopping addicted, wine swilling ways, and all that really happens is that I feel sadder in the month of January. So, why not pick another time (like for example, when the temperature is not in the teens) to torture myself, or better yet stop torturing myself altogether?

This year is going to be different. Now, I’m not saying that health is not important, because it is. I do need to cut back a bit and I’m pledging to eat more vegetables, as well as keep up my daily walks to work. But I refuse to go on a diet and I refuse to deprive myself in any way. Moderation is key and focusing on health and overall well being is important.

PS- There is no point to that picture of our Christmas tree, except to say that when I go on a diet I become so hungry I could eat a Christmas tree.

Yes to this! 

I am almost embarrassingly obsessed with audio books. Any time I’m off somewhere I just put in the head phones and resume whatever story I was listening to. It’s so nice for long walks and for a crowded subway; no need to balance a book in your hand while gripping the railing. There is also so much noise on the train and I relish being able to just tune it out. It’s sort of awesome for my sanity!

A good story doesn’t always make for a good audio book; the narrator can enhance or detract from it a great deal. I’ve become quite choosey about what I listen to and often have trouble settling on the right book. Having discovered some real gems since I subscribed to Audible a few months ago, I wanted to share them:

The Handmades Tale, by Margaret Atwood (narrated by Clare Danes)- This is hands down my absolute favorite audio books, if not one of my favorite books ever. I was mesmerized by this book and I still am (I’m on my third listen). Clare Danes just kills it, and listening to it makes you forget that it’s a story; you believe that you are listening directly to the protagonist. With each listen I discover something new that I missed.

Ready Player One, by Ernest Cline (narrated Wil Wheaton)- You have to be a child of the 80s to understand half of what’s happening in this book, and if you are it’s delightful and so fun. The protraganist is such a hopeless geek, the narration is so good. I couldn’t wait to come back to this one.

Beautiful Ruins, by Jess Walter (narrated by Edoardo Ballerini)-  I definitely would not have enjoyed this book half as much if I read it as opposed to listening to it. There is quite a bit of Italian in it, and hearing it spoken well is so beautiful. It made me want to hop a plane to Italy immediately. It’s is a lovely story, and it’s also unexpectedly hilarious.

So right now I’m halfway slogging through, halfway enjoying Cloud Atlas. There are so many dialects and the audio book has multiple narrators (six in total!) to cover them all. I’m not sure I would have the patience to read this one so it’s nice to be a little lazy and have it read to me (Lucas insists that it’s worth it, so I’m sticking with it).

I also just started a new book by one of my favorite authors, Shirley Jackson. We read “The Haunting of Hill House” for book club, so now I’m listening to “We Have Always Lived in the Castle” and it’s already spooky and awesome. I love a good scary story for the holidays!

Sorry for the kind of crappy quality, but I have watched this video about a zillion times and I think it’s adorable! I took this with my phone when I was in Richmond a few weeks ago. It’s kind of hard to hear but in the beginning Lucas and Charlie are talking about facial hair, then Charlie tells Lucas about his “boo boo,” and then someone coughs directly in someone else’s face! You have to watch to find out.

A time for giving thanks and buying things for yourself.

I have been having a lovely time with my parents here in Texas for Thanksgiving. And of course, when my mom’s around that means there will be plenty of shopping. I always forget how right around this time of year I lose my mind from all the sales and new clothing (and I don’t even participate in Black Friday!). I get swept off my feet pretty easily by the right item.

When I’m in town my mom and I will always go to Bloom, which is owned by one of my favorite fashion bloggers. I swooned over everything in the store (nearly every fall trend represented and laid out beautifully), but I fell really hard for this pair of oxblood skinny chords, only to get them home and realize I needed the next size down. My size is nowhere- not in the store, not online, not anywhere! When I came to the realization that it felt like I truly lost something important to me, I was like dear god this is messed up.

Naturally, I recovered from this by finding $25 Minnentonka moccasins at TJ Maxx. I don’t even particularly like moccassins that much (I prefer ballet flats, natch), but these little guys are like hugs for your feet. Plus they are slightly more attractive than the dear foam slippers I usually wear around the apartment when it’s cold out (you’re welcome, Lucas).

So, now that I’ve spent so much time and energy (although not that much money due to the chords being out of stock) on myself it is now time to turn my energies towards buying things for others. If I know my family, they will return the favor. (And if you are reading this and can find me those chords in my size, I will pay you a million dollars).

PS- new mocs!